This is what it comes down to… After getting kicked out of a parakeet aviary while attempting to unbox an HP EliteBook 8740w in the midst of thousands of birds, there’s only one thing left to do… unbox it on top of a bear. This past weekend I received a VERY loaded HP EliteBook 8740w Workstation from the nice folks at HP. Why? It’s all part of HP’s plan to take over various parts of the world, including taco stands and the great outdoors. And SolidSmack is in on the action.
I’ll have a bit of a review coming up AND A FREAGIN’ GIVEAWAY for one of the very same laptops, BUT you can’t have a proper review or a proper giveaway without an even more proper unboxing ceremony. If you’re afraid of bears and blatant product shots, I warn you, this may be unnerving. Here’s how it all went down.
Unboxing an HP EliteBook 8740w… On a Bear
The bear… in its natural habitat amongst the cottony snow and lovely twigs.
Braving the elements and risking my own life, I quietly crawl atop the bear with the HP EliteBook box at my side.
Careful preparation has been taken not to arrouse the bear from his slumber whilst opening powerful computing equipment.
The unboxing commenses. I can hardly contain myself. This bear… is fiesty.
The tape on the HP box is as thick as the musty odor of fresh bear kill.
The flaps are OPEN… as are the eyes of the bear… but nevermind that. There’s warm tech to tear out.
And there it is, the HP EliteBook 8740w, protected by the squishy envelope of Styrofaom padding, unlike myself.
Off come the non-essentials. Bears tend to think of human arms, legs and facial muscles as non-essential.
Just about there…
*Zing!* *Shimmer!* There it is… the HP 8740w. Easily held in one hand, while gripping bear fur or a knife with the other.
Fearsome! Risking life and limb to unbox this laptop and hold it like a professional hand model!…uhm… nevermind the small children and the fine retail space to the right… you’re mind is playing tricks on you.
Ahhhh! Gaze upon it. A 17.0″ diagonal LED-backlit WXGA+ anti-glare display, full keyboard with number pad, function keys, two sets of buttons aaaaaand a trackpad.
Side view. It hinges like the jaw of a Kodiak bear preparing to feast upon people who are shopping for camping gear and double barrel shotguns.
Top view… uhm… there’s actually a crowd starting to gather at this point, and well, I’m not getting a friendly look from the clerk at the adjacent gun counter.
Moving right along. What else could be in the box?
That’s right! A club in the shape of a laptop battery and…
A bear strangling survival wire that doubles as a power supply cord!
Diving back in…
HP instruction manuals and warranty information to read to the small child before he goes to bed to dream about large bears, claws the size of Elmo’s neck and the various pressure points on a bears spine to take him down in one blow.
The full contents of the box, looking natural against the neckline of a wild beast. Nothing could be more sublime, more majestic, than the sheen of a 64-bit powerhouse of a computer against the sheen of a bear pelt which I’ve been told to never sit on again.
So, there you have it. 50 SolidSmack points to the person who guesses where I am. But that’s not all. We’ll also be giving away one of these HP 8740w laptops. Can you believe it? You can see the specs, but the one we’ll be giving away is valued at $4600 dollars. Full up Windows 7 64-bit, 8GB RAM, NVIDIA Quadro 5000m GPU and plenty of 7200 RPM harddrive storage.
Watch this space for more and if you have one of these already or if you’re wondering about something specific, whether it’s about the graphics or the speed. drop some comment down below, and let us know!
I’m straddling a bear.
