Ask the Reader: Your CoWorkers Have Turned Into Zombies… What Do You Do? {Poll}

Those noises you hear over the cubicle wall…? *munch*… not Sam eating his ham and cheese. Oh no. Dare you take a look?

You may think it’s an impossibility, but closed quarters and inadequate ventilation is a recipe for certain elements seeping into the nostril membranes, changing certain physiological elements of brain and bone matter, effectively rendering a person’s ability to discern between your skull-case and a chocolate bar… inactive. What do you do?

You never know who it could strike first. It could be a ‘zombie’ CAD user, an irate manager, or the shop guys covered in aluminum dust and hankering for a human meat snack. Best prepare a strategy and have things laid out for an effective counterattack at a moments notice. Tips? We got em, but first, what would you do?

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Defending Against Zombie Co-Worker

Oh yeah, tips. It’s past prevention. Now it’s time for action.

• Do not keep your scissors in the cabinet drawer. They must be at arms reach.
• Forget the phone. That’s like sealing your death instantly.
• Is the copy machine on a wheeled cart? Use it.
• Thumbtacks do nothing except infuriate them.
• Why do you have wireless keyboard? repeat, To beat heads with.
• Bring a coffee thermos to work. One of those 10 lb suckers.
• Keep Desk and isle-ways clear. You need maximum swing area.
• Keep your mobile charge and nearby. Make video record one-touch.

Paranoia?

All I’ve got to say is, take your father’s advice when he warns you of mean people, firearms, crazy people, eye hazards, and especially Zombies. You never know when that ‘ounce of precaution’ will come in handy.

Tagged as: office escape tactics, zombie cad user, zombie office attack